Why, God?

Seriously. It does rather beg the question, does it not? I struggle/live with depression; have all my life. Doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists have confirmed it. It is not a choice; it is a scientific, medical "challenge." (Hey, where are my reserved parking spaces?) Anyway....

So, despite being a man who truly loves and walks with God, I have this...condition.  At the very least, God has allowed it; or, God may have deliberately created me like this (1 Corinthians 11:12). The fact that every single day is a battle to not descend into the darkest depths is according to God's will. So...why, God? I mean seriously, what's up with that?!

(I want to take a moment here to recognize that many people have challenges with which they live every day; and, if depression is not yours, you probably still struggle with some of the same questions.)

While I can't say for sure (Isaiah 55:8-9), here are some of the things I've found to help me with this question:

I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 - 2 Corinthians 12:5-10

   As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
   “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him....
  After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.
 - John 9:1-3,6-7

Now, I'd be lying if I said I just always naturally love delighting in my struggles for Christ's sake; but, it is pretty cool to think that God can be glorified through my life. Plus, the times I get to see how sufficient God's grace is for me are pretty awesome.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
 - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I am obviously not the only one who lives with this burden; so, it is pretty cool to think I can actually help someone else with the help I receive.

The Bible is literally chock-full of these kinds of truths for our encouragement and benefit (the Psalms are excellent in this arena!). These three passages come immediately to mind, maybe because they impact me the most.

So that's it. Why did God cause or allow me to live with depression? Among other things, I get to experience his grace first hand; I get to see his power in my life; and, I get to comfort others with the comfort I have received. I think I can handle that.

"Humans, man!"

This is a quote from the TV show, "Supernatural."  After all the monsters, witches, ghosts, demons, etc., they encountered, Dean Winchester found humans to be the most horrifying.  Forgive me, but I understand his feelings.  As a Christian, I know -- I KNOW -- how it could be, how it should be.  I then must face each day the way it is...knowing why it is.

Now the whole world had one language and a common speech....But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. The LORD said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them."
 - Genesis 11:1,5-6

If we truly chose unity over self, there is nothing we could not accomplish!  This is how it could be.  The very next verse shows God's reaction: "Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."

Why would he not allow us to keep this kind of unity?


The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. The LORD regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.
 - Genesis 6:5-6

This is how it is.  That kind of powerful unity fueled by evil, self-serving intent?  Yeah, that would be bad.  Truth is, everything that is wrong in this world -- everything! -- is our fault.  For one thing, Jesus said poverty would always exist (Mark 14:7).  Why?  The problem is not that there aren't enough of life's necessities to go around; the problem is that we seem to forget, as we "grow up," what our parents teach us about sharing.

As a dreamer who lives with depression (yes, as a matter of fact, this is a fascinating paradox to manage), the realities of how we live for self and treat each other in this "dog-eat-dog," "every man for himself" world are sometimes too much to bear.

I really don't know how God stands it....

Christian Mythology

There are many misconceptions out there today about Christianity. From straight-up false doctrines to perceptions of Christians as a whole, sadly, almost all of these misconceptions come from one person having something wrong and "infecting" someone else, and it just spreading from there. One common perception of Christians as a whole is that we think we're better than other people. I don't know which I hate more: the existence of this perception or the reality that we can, in fact, come across that way all too easily. I myself am guilty of this, though hopefully I've grown at least a little in this area. At this point, I think the bumper sticker says it just as well as anything: "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven."

In my booklet I talk about how the apostle Paul truly understood two seemingly contradictory truths: (1) his own wretched, putrid sinfulness AND (2) God’s love for him. He grasped, deep down in his heart and soul, how revolting he was in himself due to his sin AND the fact that God loved him beyond measure anyway!

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

 - 1 Timothy 1:12-16

As for me, I have a much easier time grasping the reality of my sinfulness than I do God's amazing, gracious love. Living with depression greatly amplifies this challenge...which means I can have a very hard time responding properly (Luke 7:36-47)...which leads to my missing out on the true joy of being a Christian...which can all become one viscous cycle.

Needless to say, it is a battle.  Thankfully, though, God has never given up on me, and he never will.  And, with his help and the encouragement of my wife and friends, I will never give up on him.