Desire. Yearning. Groaning. Longing. My constant companions.
I've been taught that the Christian life is not just the most, but the only truly fulfilling way to live. And it's true: I have definitely known fulfillment and satisfaction beyond what I have imagined. Nothing compares to having a personal relationship with the one, true God, and being able to participate in how he powerfully transforms people. Yet the longing doesn't go away.
For a long time I felt guilty, thinking there was something wrong with me, or maybe Christianity itself. The problem, though, is that I was never truly taught how to groan as a Christian:
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:1-4
This whole life is "meanwhile." It is normal to groan in this life; it's not supposed to be ultimately fulfilling (Matthew 6:34). No matter how good something may be, it doesn't last. It rusts, ages, decays, passes, etc. As a spiritual being (Genesis 1:27), I will never find true and lasting satisfaction in this life; as a Christian, I know why. As someone who lives with depression, it is all so much more magnified and poignant (Proverbs 13:12). So, every day, all day long, is a constant battle between my natural thoughts and feelings of dissatisfaction and remembering how much worse it could be, as well as how unimaginably amazing it will one day be.
It can get a bit tiring, but it's my lot. When I Get To Heaven, though, the fight will be over, and I will have won!
I've been taught that the Christian life is not just the most, but the only truly fulfilling way to live. And it's true: I have definitely known fulfillment and satisfaction beyond what I have imagined. Nothing compares to having a personal relationship with the one, true God, and being able to participate in how he powerfully transforms people. Yet the longing doesn't go away.
For a long time I felt guilty, thinking there was something wrong with me, or maybe Christianity itself. The problem, though, is that I was never truly taught how to groan as a Christian:
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:1-4
This whole life is "meanwhile." It is normal to groan in this life; it's not supposed to be ultimately fulfilling (Matthew 6:34). No matter how good something may be, it doesn't last. It rusts, ages, decays, passes, etc. As a spiritual being (Genesis 1:27), I will never find true and lasting satisfaction in this life; as a Christian, I know why. As someone who lives with depression, it is all so much more magnified and poignant (Proverbs 13:12). So, every day, all day long, is a constant battle between my natural thoughts and feelings of dissatisfaction and remembering how much worse it could be, as well as how unimaginably amazing it will one day be.
It can get a bit tiring, but it's my lot. When I Get To Heaven, though, the fight will be over, and I will have won!
thx for posting Sean...this makes a good point for us as Christians to become more empathetic, compassionate, understanding, accepting of each other... especially those of us who have mental health, physical health or any other disabling/challenging conditions. We need more mercy and grace with each other (like Jesus modeled) and less harsh, judgmental attitudes with hard to reach expectations.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking at what I call "my lot" too in my career. There are certain things that I wanted to run away from, but lo, and behold....it still greets me each morning. I do lots of groaning, but I have been doing "self-talks" that sound like, "Maybe this is it. Maybe your task is to be content with it." There is no joy or satisfaction in some of it--but there's so much joy and so much satisfaction in God. I think I've been on the right track. Thanks!
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